Baby D here folks. Well the past 5 months have been a busy time. There have been numerous challenges, advances and setbacks but at last I think my persistence is paying off and Parent Training is going places. I think it’s high time I share my experience, so for all the newborn babies out there here are my 5 essential rules for the first 5 months.
Rule 1: The Babies are in Charge a.k.a. Babies Rule!
From Day 1 the world revolves about you. Never forget this. If Parents get distracted by the TV or a newspaper and give you less than 100% attention, gently remind them that you rule the roost. I’ve found doing a silent poo followed by vigorous kicking will guarantee instant parental action. If something is going on that you really don’t approve of, go straight to Rule 2.
Rule 2: Your Voice is Your Weapon
You were born with a fine set of vocal cords for a reason; so don’t be afraid to use them! A nice loud, cry will ensure a rapid Parent response. Just be patient as they’re not that clever at figuring out exactly what you need at first, so persist. Simply escalate the volume if the response time is unacceptable.
Baby D Top Tip: If you want to go for a walk, cry repeatedly but this bit is important; make sure to stop crying as soon as you get comfortable in the buggy. Parents are very quick to remember this one and you’ll have a nice long walk built into the daily routine in no time.
Rule 3: Night and Day – it’s All the Same
If you don’t feel like sleeping the night away well don’t! The world’s an exciting place and sometimes there’s just not enough hours to take it all in. So don’t waste time sleeping if you don’t need to. It doesn’t matter what time it is, just decide what you need, a cuddle, some food, a toy or someone to talk to, and adapt Rule 2 as necessary. You’ll notice the later it gets the quicker Parents will act in order to go back to sleep. Remember that Parents have had 30 odd years to sleep so don’t worry if they complain about how tired they are the next day.
Baby D Top Tip: If you prefer to get out of the Moses Basket and stretch out, be particularly grumbly early in the morning and you’ll end up in the big bed beside Mammy. Don’t worry about being squashed or getting too hot under the duvet, Mammy will stay awake to make sure you are comfortable and get a good shuteye.
Rule 4: Persistence pays off
Currently my Parents have developed an annoying habit of putting me back into my cot in the middle of the morning. It’s a ridiculous notion they have, no doubt picked up from one of those silly books they read. I mean there I am with things to do and people to see and suddenly they insist on putting me back down for a nap. Simply ridiculous! Anyway it’s taking a while to train them out of this one, but by staying awake, fussing and crying I’m slowly getting there. It’s only a matter of time before they give up and leave me in my gym or on a nice warm shoulder. Be patient with them. They think they know what they’re doing but they are not that bright really. With a little persistence though you’ll get the routine you want. And when you do, refer to Rule no 5….
Rule 5: No one can resist a Baby’s Smile
This is an important one as the carrot and stick approach works very well when training Parents. While the cry works wonders, don’t forget to use your cute, adorable smiles to reward them when things go your way. Guaranteed to disarm the most disgruntled parent, even in the middle of the night.
Baby D Top Tip: Throw in a little leg kicking, and tilt the head to one side when displaying your wide mouthed, gummy little smile for added adorableness. The dripping sound you may hear is probably your parent’s heart melting!
Ok, that’s all for now. I’ll return with more pearls of wisdom in another few months. Ciao amigos!
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