Motherhood leads you to doing many things you wouldn’t normally consider in a million years and yesterday morning I found myself taping three hours worth of Ireland AM on TV3. In my defence I had 3 weeks of sleep broken by an insomniac Baby D and the promise of an interview with a baby sleep expert was more than I could resist. So after another night of 2 hour catnaps I feverishly forward winded until I found the segment, one hand holding a vat of coffee shaking with anticipation at the nuggets of wisdom to be imparted, the other fiddling with the matchsticks under my eyes. As the fog of sleep slowly dispersed to the corner of the living room, ready to descend again as soon as the effects of the coffee wore off, I had a eureka moment and realised 2 things with absolute clarity.
1) Ireland AM is the greatest load of dross imaginable on TV
2) The baby sleep expert was a total nut case. A note to illustrate her fruit and nut cakiness – stimulate babies before bedtime; give them a piggyback for example, to really tire them out. Now Baby D is unpredictable but as he roars his little head off if he accidentally catches sight of himself in the mirror before bedtime, I can safely anticipate a tsunami of tears if we tried this and not the 8 hours sleep she promised.
Adding one and two together I came up with four and now realise that anyone can write a book and get interviewed by Sinead ‘shiny hair’ Desmond and Mark ‘I ask such rambling questions we’ve run out of time for the answer’ Cagney. To this end I’ve researched the multitude of books on how to get babies to sleep and come up with my own silver bullet. It’s called the “Scott’s Simple Sleep Solution- Hurrah!” or “Ssssh!” I won’t go into details save to say you simply need a set of earplugs, willing partner and a large house. I’ll say no more expect to say myself and a well rested Baby D are planning our outfits for TV3 already. Watch this space!
